tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
