Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
