I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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