Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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