Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize