today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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