your parents love me but you hate me
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
