i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
