I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
