you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
The Olympian is in my bed
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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