so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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