my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
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Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
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I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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