Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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