i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
We had to coat check the pizza.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
