Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
