Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
