New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
