So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
don't judge my taste in strippers
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
