what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
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