your thong is hanging out like whoa
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
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Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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