we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
