the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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