So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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