if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
my poor anus
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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