Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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