i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
