he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
