I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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