OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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