Tell her she can't have a vagina
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
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