i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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