just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
whose parrot is this?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
