dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
