I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
