I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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