so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Dear god my vagina.
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