i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Vodka?
Forever.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Randomize
