I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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