I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
