lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
