The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
