She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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