the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Did I show you my penis last night?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
