I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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