I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I want to be your penis for a week.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
