I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
