Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
