ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Randomize
