Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I'm gonna have a badass scar
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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