she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
