He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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