Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
