I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
