You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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