I just saw a hot homeless man
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
