i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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