..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
What a dumb baby whore.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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