They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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