apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
