I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
