I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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