I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
