I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize