I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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