So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
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You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
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Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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