you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
My dick has a subreddit
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
