just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
