Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I would ride that face into the sunset
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
