omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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