no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Randomize
