my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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