i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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