alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
